SAD Stuff

It’s day 24 of Trump’s Government Shutdown. Over 1 million people are being directly affected with no pay, and potentially millions more indirectly affected. The longer this thing drags out the more people will be hurting, and the harder it’s going to be for our economy to recover. Compounded with all of the other bat-crap crazy going on in Washington, Americans are experiencing an anxiety-inducing national crisis.

FURLOUGHED

Our family is directly and indirectly affected by the shut-down.

• Daughter Bee: thrilled to find her dream job in October with the Department of Treasury, 24 days ago her position was deemed “non-essential” so she’s been sitting at home going stir-crazy ever since.
• Me & The Mr.: the “good news” is that because she still lives at home Daughter Bee is not in any danger of eviction or starvation. Her Dad and I can waive her monthly room & board expenses, make her car payment and buy her gasoline while she is furloughed … but, we weren’t planning on these extra expenses this month.
• My brother has rental properties that house federal employees, so because his renters are not being paid, he is not being paid. Yes, he is kindly allowing them to live rent-free for now – because he is a good and decent person – but, he needs the income.

There are many other good friends, family members, acquaintances and strangers – including many of you dear readers –  who are struggling and stressed right now; praying our politicians will get their heads screwed on straight and actually start “representing” We the People.

Hey, Creepy Politicians!

End this [insert profanity here] madness right now!

Sidenote: I don’t have an ounce of patience or energy for a political sparring match, so don’t try to start one in the comments. If you don’t like my rant there’s an easy solution, close the window.

______♥______

Sadness

Meanwhile, since it’s cold, dark, inversion-infested winter in Utah (particularly January) I’m mightily struggling with my annual SAD-ness – as in Seasonal Affective Disorder. I know I’m not the only one. Unless you live in Australia, or somewhere else that’s actually warm and sunshiney right now, Winter sucks (particularly January).

For those of us who have SAD, it’s nearly unbearable.

Living with S.A.D. means I have no energy right now. No matter how much I sleep, I’m tired all the time. The idea of doing simple tasks – even things that I normally love to do – overwhelms me. But, when I’m not doing all the things I “want” or “should” or “need” to do, I feel even more overwhelmed, plus major anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle.

For example, during the past two weeks, the thought of taking our Christmas trees down, wrapping up all of the ornaments, boxing all the decorations and storing it in the garage has been way too much for my brain to handle. However, leaving the trees and decorations up has caused me massive anxiety and depression!

In other words, I want them gone, but I can’t find the strength to make them gone.

Thankfully, Daughter A came over on Saturday and with the combined effort of our entire family, we tackled it together. It’s finally (almost) all boxed up and stored away. Blessed Victory.

I even managed to swap out the holly wreath on my front door for the Valentine heart wreath. Victory.

Today I got out of bed at 5:30 am and I actually attended my fitness class. Major Victory.

• Cleaning my house? Nope. (I gave up and hired someone).
• Meal planning and Grocery shopping? Nope. Just the thought of creating a shopping list gives me a headache – however, not doing it is giving me a migraine.
• Cooking meals? Nope. Everyone will be “fending for themselves” this week (again).
• Blogging? Totally overwhelming. Except, not blogging is practically killing me. Plus, writing is therapeutic, so I’m putting this completely depressing, dismal, stream of consciousness out into the void today (which I know I’ll regret later) – instead of all the beautiful, happy, awesome posts, I’ve been working on for over a month now. And yes, someday I really am going to finish blogging about our amazing pilgrimage in Spain on the Camino Ingles – only two days left, and they’re so awesome, but… you’re getting this right now instead. Sorry. 😦
• Emailing or chatting with friends who want to email or chat with me? Sadly, this is not even happening. Which makes me really stressed out because I WANT to, but I can’t.

In other words, I’m just holding on right now, doing what little I can, and waiting for all this stuff to pass (it always does… eventually… like, sometime in March, or April..).

Being stuck with S.A.D. is very stupid and frustrating.

But, this is my reality right now. Anything I actually accomplish – like getting out of bed – is a major victory! Anything I actually leave the house for and endure all day – like holding down my job for 8-9 hours – I probably deserve an Olympic Medal.

And then I go home and crash.

Depression and anxiety and anything else in the “family” of mental & emotional illness sucks the life out of people. It makes all those simple, easy-peasy, enjoyable tasks we take for granted hard, or impossible.

If you’re feeling like this right now, just hang in there. Tell someone. Ask a family member or friend to help you. Because, you’ve got people who really love you and they want to help – plus, you and I are not meant to suffer in silence.

Also, things get better. They always do. Today might be especially hard, but tomorrow can be a little better. And if the next day after that sucks, the day after that is going to be AMAZING and you don’t want to miss it. So, hold on. (also, my doctor said taking extra B vitamins really helps, so I’m going to try that).

I could only find 1 shoe this morning. I felt so overwhelmed I decided I was going to go stay home. Seriously, I was headed back to bed. Thankfully, Mr. Mo found the shoe. He helped me put it on. Then, he put my coat on me and zipped it up. Then, he walked me out to the car. That’s S.A.D.

I did manage to put my own seat belt on, though! 🙂 Victory.

~ Holly